I wish people saw things my way. If they could see what I see, then they would understand their foolishness! When I was younger, I convinced myself that I saw reality as it really is. As if seeing reality was an absolute. As if reality were identical for all people.
I question why people see the way they see. What are they looking at? Why do they interpret reality in such a different way than I do? What is wrong with them? What is wrong with their eyes? With their lenses?
Because I wear glasses, I’m aware of looking through a couple of pieces of glass, well, plastic, these days. Plastic that has been shaped to provide me with 20/20 vision. Lenses that correct my defective eyes. Lenses that allow reality to be represented as it really is.
But what if we were all looking through a window? What if we were all living in a glass house? A glass neighborhood? A glass country? A glass universe?
In a sense, we all have multiple windows that we view reality. We have the window of race. No matter how you identify yourself, you see the world in a very specific way. We have the window of weight. We have the window of age.
As I grow older, my perception, for me, is that I now see things more clearly. Or do I only think I do? Or is my current window, the window of sixty years of life, merely a window that encompasses more time than many others?
In 1955, two psychologists, Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham created, in their words, “A graphic model of interpersonal awareness.” It looked like a window. In simplest terms, this is a four-quadrant grid, like a window with four panes of glass.
One quadrant represents what we know about ourselves and we are willing to share with others is our open area. It may also be referred to as the open self, free area, free self, or arena. The arena is an appropriate term to use for this section. This is the theater of our lives. This is where most of the action happens. Where we interact with the world. Where everything is out in the open. Think of this as the stage area. Were we act out our lives in front of others.
The next pane of the window is designated as your blind area or blind spot. This is where others can see aspects of you which are not known to you. You’re blind to the things in this area.
A third pane, or area of the quadrant is known as the hidden area, things about yourself that you do not want others to know. This third area is also known as the façade. Think of this as the face you present to the world. Your outer self. This is where you get to hide certain things about yourself. Your insecurities. Your failings. Your deepest darkest secrets.
The last quadrant is the unknown area, things about you that are unknown to you and unknown to others.
I have struggled with being aware that there are some things I don’t know that I don’t know. Areas of my life or personality hidden from me and hidden from others. When I’m aware of shortcomings or failings in my life, I can decide to do something or choose not to change.
One important aspect of the Johari window is each of the quadrants is not necessarily the same size or area as all the other quadrants. Imagine each of the panes of glass of the window being able to adjust as your life changes.
When you are very young, most of your life is lived in the open area. As you grow older, you begin to be protective of your inner self. Your arena becomes smaller. You are less open. You become less trusting of others.
The Shift
Real growth is not just learning to trust your perspective. It is learning when your perspective needs help, correction, and expansion.
Today’s Nudge:
Ask one trusted person this question today: “What is something you see in me that I may not see clearly in myself?” Do not defend or explain right away. Just listen and write down what you hear.
A Faith Connection
Humility creates room for insight. When you invite God to search your heart and welcome truth from trusted people, you make space for deeper healing and clearer direction than self-protection can ever provide.