I always wanted certainty in my life.
Before I committed to something, I wanted to know how it would turn out. Seemed reasonable enough to me. If I was going to invest my time, energy, and a piece of myself, shouldn’t I know what I was getting into?
Yes! Well, up to a point.
The trouble comes when “knowing what I’m getting into” becomes “knowing exactly what’s going to happen.” That’s quite a requirement to place on a future I haven’t lived yet. And on other people who apparently have their own ideas about how things should go.
Inconsiderate of them.
But lately, I’ve realized something about what I actually wanted. Clarity. I wanted a reason for what I was doing. A reason that mattered enough to keep going when the results were disappointing or simply taking longer than I preferred.
I had been asking, “Will this work?” when a more useful question was, “Why am I doing this?”
Those questions lead me to very different places.
Being certain appeals to my desire for control. If I can predict the outcome, I can protect myself from wasting time, looking foolish, or being disappointed. Except I find that I can do everything thoughtfully and still be disappointed. What then? Does an unexpected result mean the reason was wrong?
I don’t think so.
If I have a north star, a purpose worth following, I can change my plans without losing my reason for moving. The outcome still matters. I just don’t need it guaranteed before I begin.
That has consequences for my faith, too. I can say I want to follow Jesus and still expect Him to explain where we’re going, how long it will take, and whether I’ll enjoy it.
I suspect I’ve confused following with approving the itinerary.
I understand the difference now.
I still catch myself wanting both.
Shift/Insight
Having a reason to take the next step is enough to work with. I don’t have to know the ending.
Today’s Nudge
Choose one decision you’re delaying. Finish this sentence: “Even though I can’t guarantee the outcome, this matters because…”
See whether you believe your answer.
Faith Connection
Jesus called people to follow Him before they understood what following would require.
I keep coming back to that. How much explanation am I entitled to before I’m willing to obey?